×
attention: Site Update (20 Jun 2015)

Welcome to Song Crypt!

To get started head over to " Introductions " and introduce yourself! That's the best way to get involved with the community!

**UPDATE**
Sorry for the absence...
I am working now on updating the site and making some adjustments so that it is more flexible and can be accessed easily from a smartphone/tablet. If something is broken, missing, or if you just have feedback, let me know! ;)

× ***IMPORTANT***

So we can keep the forums organized please post your song in the following format:
  • Subject: This will be the title of your song, if you have one.
  • Message: Please only use one post per song. If you have 2 songs, please make them into individual posts. This keeps the feedback clear and threads on topic! ;)

For more information please see the thread titled "How to post songs in the forums". The thread can be found in the Category, "Song Crypt"

Clown

More
24 Aug 2014 14:03 #1 by Musiclover
Musiclover created the topic: Clown
Please feel free to comment and give critique on my song lyrics "clown", the structure is a bit different but when sung it makes sense- the song is a pop/rock song. I feel like there might be something missing to it, some depth maybe, let me know what you think:-)

You weren’t truly there
we weren't going anywhere
Just running in circles
Like a clown in a circus

You were such a tool,
I felt like such a fool
Like such a clown

Like people were starring
People were laughing
All around

I feel like we have been here before
I can’t wear this red nose anymore

I can’t be your clown
I wont be your clown- uuh uuh uuh
I can’t be your clown
I wont be your clown- uuh uuh uuh
No now
Go get yourself a new clown


You never cared like I did
I feel so stupid
You were just watching the show
Well, grab your tickets and go

Made me jump up and down
Like a silly clown
But no more

No that’s over
Full disclosure
I’ve shut the door

I know we have been here before
I won’t wear this red nose anymore

I can’t be your clown
I wont be your clown- uuh uuh uuh
I can’t be your clown
I wont be your clown- uuh uuh uuh
No now
Go get yourself a new clown

yeah, get yourself a new clown
I won’t be around
Guess who’s laughing now

I can’t be your clown
I wont be your clown- uuh uuh uuh
I can’t be your clown
I wont be your clown- uuh uuh uuh
No now
The circus has left town

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
10 Sep 2014 13:45 - 10 Sep 2014 13:48 #2 by Rachel
Rachel replied the topic: Clown
It's good but the only bit I would change is *like people were staring people were laughing all around" I'd get rid of the like at the beginning of the line since you had the word like on the line before . Maybe you could have a bit of rhyme .Having said that it may sound different and the lines you have now might actually sound okay but I don't know how your song would sound so it's up to you entirely :)
Good effort :)
Last Edit: 10 Sep 2014 13:48 by Rachel.
The following user(s) said Thank You: Musiclover

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Time to create page: 0.240 seconds
Powered by Kunena Forum