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Sword- Feedback please?:)

More
27 Feb 2014 13:27 - 28 Feb 2014 01:24 #1 by AmyLeigh
AmyLeigh created the topic: Sword- Feedback please?:)
Princess drop your sword
This Fairytale won't end that fast
Freckled crimson on its blade
Reflections of the past

Can't you see that you're only fighting yourself now 
The pirates have gone 
It's just you and yourself now

And maybe you don't realise 
Or maybe you forget
Maybe you're pretending 
Or you just don't know it yet
Is this just another broken Fairytale?
Or can you re-write it again? 
Tear out the last page, you don't need to know
No one needs to know how it ends. 

The sword marked the wounds on your body
But words showered scars on your soul
You've only read half of the story
There's so much of the tale left untold

Can't you see that a forest
Has grown round your castle
Only witches pass through
With their poisoned red apples

Maybe you don't realise 
Or maybe you forget
Maybe you're pretending
Maybe you just don't know it yet

Princess don't believe her
Your fairy godmother's a witch
Princess you don't need her
You're fine as you are, there's nothing to fix

You try to stay calm and look to the skies
But goblins fill your head at night
And you think, what if I never see my happy ending?
What if my beanstalk burned down?
And the harp gathers dust in a corner
And the golden eggs turn brown?
What if I never find
My castle in the sky?
Princess the magic is dust in your palm
All you've got to do is learn how to fly
You have the wings
You just need to find them
You have the dreams
And there's no need to hide them

Maybe you don't realise
Perhaps you just forget
Could it be that you're pretending
Or you just don't know it yet
Is this just another broken Fairytale?
Or can you re-write it again? 
Tear out the last page, you don't need to know
No one needs to know how it ends. 

Princess drop your sword
The Fairytale can't end that fast
Freckled crimson on its blade
Reflections of the past

Can't you see that you're only
Fighting yourself now
The big bad wolf's gone
And it's you and yourself now
Just you and yourself now

Maybe you don't realise  
Maybe you forget
Maybe you're pretending
Maybe you just don't know it yet
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Last Edit: 28 Feb 2014 01:24 by AmyLeigh.

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01 Mar 2014 07:17 - 01 Mar 2014 07:22 #2 by Musiclover
Musiclover replied the topic: Sword- Feedback please?:)
I like the idea behind this song and there are some very good lines in there! My only advice would maybe be to try and cut it down, shorten the lyrics, make them more simple. The lyrics are good but you don't need as many as you have now to get our message across, be careful not to repeat yourself in different phrases where it isn't necessary or else it might seem a bit messy/confusing - if you ask me the key is often simplicity and to know when to leave something out as well:) I'm not sure if that made any sense to you, but I hope it helps a bit? Anyway I think you're on to something, i like the song
Last Edit: 01 Mar 2014 07:22 by Musiclover.

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