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Moonbeams

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Poll: How well would you rate this song?

4 Stars
7 25%
3 Stars
9 32.1%
2 Stars
6 21.4%
1 Star
6 21.4%
Total number of voters: 28 ( Johnny Longfellow, born.chaos91, NOBERDORF, Rishabhgood, hbk4ever ) See more
Only registered users can participate to this poll
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09 Sep 2012 01:58 #1 by admin
admin created the topic: Moonbeams
Moonbeams over me
swirling mist like a sea
dark shadows flicker overhead
encasing me like lead

the moon goes into the clouds
it's eeriness seems to last
cold air touches me like ghost breath
tears stand still as i sink into the depths

Moonbeams across my soul
losing all my self control
shivers run up my spine
stuck in a river, hooked on a line
can't ever look in the mirror
without seeing my past clearer

mother nature silent
all my tears are spent
I'm in a river a sadness
this rope can't take more distress

you can never say never
But I can't find the life I severed
My spring turned into winter
my heart is in pieces, splintered

Moonbeams across my soul
losing all my self control
shivers run up my spine
stuck in a river, hooked on a line
can't ever look in the mirror
without seeing my past clearer

don't want to end up in a pile
that no one cares about
Walked a hundred miles
still no one hears me shout

I'm losing my grip
I'm sinking on this ship
before I slip into the sea
please tell me someone cares about me

Written by:
Warning: Spoiler! [ Click to expand ]

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10 Sep 2012 16:45 #2 by dannphan29
dannphan29 replied the topic: Moonbeams
amazing imagery! :D These lyrics are incredibly awesome!!!!

RaInInG fIrEfLiEs

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20 Sep 2012 13:35 #3 by mistermorne
mistermorne replied the topic: Moonbeams
I'm looking at these lyrics and I see it as a poem. If I cannot hear the whole song, you cannot compare it to other songs. And I wonder how this could become a balanced song. Since your first verse of a song and the chorus will have an effect on the the lyrics that follow and I just wonder, will these lyrics come together as a song? Very often, as soon as your verse and lyrics are composed, especially in such a long text, in fact, your melody will have an effect on the rest of the song. You would even have to manipulate your lyrics to fit into the initial melody. A song like "you raise me up" does not work the same way, because there are relatively few lyrics. But when your song is this long, does the melody repeat, or will there be ten melodies in this song? Otherwise it is just a nice song, the lyrics might be nice, but could not be used as a song this way.

If it's your God given talent, use it to serve Him

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23 Sep 2012 06:04 #4 by Rosieposy8
Rosieposy8 replied the topic: Moonbeams
I like this imagery, and it is a song.. you have a repeated chorus. Are you going to write some music?

THink it could work in a folk genre. B)

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